However, some of you who know me will likely feel the need to check the taps for blood and the windows for hail when I tell you that I have purchased the Christmas ham.

At Wal-Mart.

I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.  But the ones at Hy-Vee looked bad and were all from horrible hog farms thousands of miles away, and Fareway wanted FORTY DOLLARS.  So I went to Super Wal-Mart and bought a hickory smoked ham bigger than my head for $22.  If I was going to buy from a horrible hog farm, it was going to be cheap, goddamn it.

What I want to know is why I had to resort to this when I live in the state with more hogs than humans.  Tell me this.

But, anyway, I have ham.  Enough for an army.  Thank you, Wal-Mart, she said, sheepishly.

ETA:  I also bought Tanqueray, and tonic.  I think I will have a lovely G&T while I bake cookies this afternoon.